Inevitable

She hid in the bathroom

Every recess

From the time it happened in grade 4

Until she finished high school.

The “it” was the “too ugly”part

When Laura was chosen and

She

She was denied

flatly, matter -of- factly.

As if everyone knew

It had to come to this.

Inevitable.

She was too ugly.

So she hid herself

From herself

And others

For protection.

This after scaring her parents so bad

Crying and crying and crying.

So of course she came to believe

She was a monster.

She didn’t look in the mirrors

Of the bathroom

But stayed in a stall

Pretending.

Pretending she had a  normal reason to be in there.

No one ever noticed

She wasn’t on the playground

Or that she was in the bathroom

All those years.

Except once.

That was the scariest and the sweetest time.

A new girl

A too tall and greasy girl

Came in.

She sang to the hiding girl and the hiding girl knew

It was for her.

Still she stayed frozen in the stall

Her eyes widely streaming

With the sea of herself.

The shame was the greatest and

Was held in love.

And that was her first brush

With grace.

And death.

The part of her that believed

The solitude, the isolation of

Those bathroom stalls were all she could ever have,

Died.

The voice of that lover echoing

Off of glass and tile

Is set free and carries

The weight of her,

The lost one,

Who plays evermore.