Coming Alive

I’m so tired of holding back It’s been this way forever Haven’t even known It’s been home My habit My coping Holding in Holding back Hoping to please What’s in here Waiting to be unleashed? A huge wave Of energy Of aliveness That might Probably will Scare The living death out of me Wake me up Propel me To some place I’ve never known There’s so much force So much power here What if it scares you Pushes...read more

was I the one?

what I want to know is was it my fault? was I the one who threw the final stone that knocked you off the cross and into the compost the one who dipped and filled my bucket again and again desperate for more of you? was I the one who convinced you I wasn’t reliable wouldn’t show up when it really mattered? was I the one who scraped you away from the scene where you stood on the precipice ready and...read more

Let’s Pretend

Let’s pretend that everything is okay. That my heart isn’t breaking. That the grief I feel isn’t there. That I don’t feel completely abandoned. That I don’t feel completely alone. That I’m not terrified of really showing you what I’m feeling. That I’m not hating feeling all that I feel. That you’re really tired. That you’re not choosing to not be here with yourself or with me. That none of this...read more

Because My Shovel Kills

It is morning, the sun is shining, birds are calling and glinting dew is beaded along grass blades. Or, it is night, a moonless night, and stars are shining above the gardens, the neighborhoods, the beaches, the parking lots, the wars, the deceit, the lovers, the killers. In other words, You. Nothing changes anything. Because there is more than one way to read that, because of that time we drove in silence all...read more

On the Road to Self

I don’t know who I am What I am Afraid to find out Who lives inside of me Hidden away Too afraid to look To know you I imagine a monster Horrid, bleeding, vile The worst of the worst Nothing that can be loved That can be lovable I feel the tension Of wanting to find out And the fear Too afraid To see what’s there Hidden in the dark All of who I am That’s been denied As if that would solve Bring relief To the...read more